Peter Choyce

LA radio can drive anyone mad!!

LA radio is enough to drive anyone MAD

The only way any love will happen in this world is if we can all 'just get along' and learn to suppress the major things that irritate us. I do, so shockingly, admit to having 'episodes' in my life where I was unable to do this. I was driven mad after listening to the radio. "Jay Severin," a textbook Fascist Ideologue was spewing venom in the same city I had to live, Boston. I got into such a war with him, answering him on a much lower wattage, screwing with him on line, doing "Exposes," basically, thinking WAY too much about him. Not soon enough, I realized I was having all the signs of a manic meltdown. I ended up fleeing town, screaming and shaking. He's still on the air there, but I'm safe, I no longer have to think about him. Nowadays, I do not even go back to visit- my own hometown! I can't take the chance of snapping again!

So now I'm in LA and was able to refocus, get involved; - movie stars, freeways, new people, hooking up with the local college rock station and life settled in. Lately, however the LA radio dial changed dramatically with both the local INDY ROCK station and more importantly, the FM talk station going out of business in the same week. I don't have the "NPR" personality nor am I ever going to be their classy target demo- so again, i had to surf the AM.

Oh my God. It's Goebbels on one channel, Himmler on the other- anywhere you turn you hear it, "Traitors," "Socialists," "Godless Atheists!!" The worst vitriol, however is for those demon "Mexicans!"

KFI is the main AM boomer with it's cheap syndicated Rush and Laura and standard right wing fare, but the 4 hour afternoon drive is starting to really get under my skin. "John and Ken," who claim, as they ALL do, to be both "Libertarians (secret code: Uber Capitalists)" and more frightfully, "Entertainers." The show is the same one trick pony every day. When they aren't going to "be right back," what is left of the hour is screaming about "The Mexicans," and I mean screaming, in the same high thrill pitch which makes it impossible to differentiate between the hosts. They are men, but neither possess masculine tone and bass, shrill, constantly on fire, I do mean RABID. They have identified the enemy and make it very clear. There is no question. THEY are the reason for every problem in LA-- the economy, the weather and I kid you not- the traffic!

I can only imagine, their "target demo," is essentially ME- 40- 50 year old white guys. The entertainment boils down to one thing- anger. Relentless, blood curdling righteously indignant, anger. JOHN is always angry, or "playing" the angry white man who has had enough of THOSE PEOPLE. John, see, makes over 7 figures a year, has a life of extreme comfort, yet is bothered by what 50 percent of the population of LA 6 days a week, 4 hours a day at 50 thousand watts.
Dude, calm down. I live here. Right in the thick of Echo park. My LA experience is hipsters and actor types are completely unreliable in areas of common courtesy. Its a town filled with people that need to know on first impressions, "what can you do for me?" MEXICAN people, for whatever their crimes are, are the only NICE people in this Suffering sinking polyglot.

Furthermore, for whatever the real or unreal immigration issues are, consider this hypothesis. If JOHN himself happened to have been born in Mexico, Salvador or worse, Haiti, don't you think HE would be the first one to jump the border? I see hordes of white men, like me, my age, in cars- after work -when they oughta be thinking about their lovely wives, children, mistresses, whatever-, instead filling their craniums with unending, ceaseless, hypnotic repetition that the enemy is in the next car over. You should hear the sneers, maniacal laughter (when neither host could qualify as "funny,") the not so subtle and the blatant cultural put downs and how -THEY don't come out and SAY it, being "responsible broadcasters," but they want YOU to think it, mnnn...hmmm. -blatant racist input. I listen in horror as my fellow man is dehumanized way beyond any political issue- everything in essence boiling down to -can we say it? HATE your neighbor. I never even heard it on Jay Severin. It's pretty raw.

It's frightening and believe me, has taken its toll on the nation's second city, a city under siege with corporate sponsored purposefully intentional, destructive daily diatribes. Yes, the reference to RADIO RWANDA is not far off. For now it's simply offensive and BAD RADIO, but at any time the spark will ignite into violence and brother, KFI should be held accountable. I am horrified to think anyone in their right mind is "entertained" by this.

The mental meltdown that occurred after a steady diet of RUSH, Hannity, general AM thought control, with this James Addkisson in Knoxville, who shot up a church he felt was filled with "Liberals," (Unitarians for Gods sake!) did, in fact occur to me, as I confessed earlier. However, with just .0001 percent more sense than this angry white man on the edge had, I got the hell out of Dodge before the relief of having my hands around the throat of the host. I have since learned to just stay AWAY from commercial radio all together, keep rockin' with the hard-to-get signals of KXLU and just DRIVE. However, I did enjoy the FM talk station.

971 FM TALK, survived without Stern for a few years but now that there's really only 2 corporate behemoths left to decide whats good for 18 million people, ("CBS/Viacom/Infinity etc etc" and always evil empire of CLEAR CHANNEL) the station was unceremoniously yanked from the air recently without warning. CBS is too cheap to pay the real time hosts anymore. Now, people like me, that prefer dirty talk and a non ideological, humor based, neutral enough dose of 'whats going on in the world,' now have NOWHERE to go! I can't afford cable, I don't watch TV. Now I have no idea what's going on, unless I want it filtered through the fiery dragon of AM hate radio.

I was 'specially a big fan of the TIM CONWAY JR (and BRIAN Whitman) show every evening. It was humanism with wit, but best, you could listen to a wide swath of people in Los Angeles, unscripted. C & W's best trick was their ability to bring out all the freaks, including guys with the most amazing gangstah revelations. It made me feel connected to the city. If it wasn't for "Gina's news," I would never have known about the plane that went down in the Hudson, wall street whatnots or if Paris Hilton was in or out of Jail. Now that is gone forever. KABC actually Hired Conway as a 5 week "fill in host" 2 weeks after the station went down, at the same time in the evening, but fired him 3 days later for a "joke." I don't think so... He was incongruous to what AM now means.

Look, the entire AM band is now just varying degrees of rabid corporate apologists, goose stepping purists and criminal hate speech. It does indeed drive people off the edge. Knoxville is no anomaly, it is a sign of whats to come. I know, I tell you- I don't claim to be "normal," but I was so affected by the radio, I had to leave my hometown of 40 years to escape it. Most guys can't do that. They don't. They won't. They can't. They stay. They freak out. The radio does have the power to impact average and not so average schmoes in profound ways. And it's getting worse, not better.

Imagine the new president, an idealist, courageous, first non white man, who , for most of us who try to just get by, are wide eyed amazed and so hopeful for. Think about the juxtaposition of Hope in a city that not just tolerates hate but oversees its business operations. Very few, local people have talk show jobs these days - but they managed to find ANGRY John and ANGRY KEN (a closet case, by the way, courageously 'living the lie') to represent LA.
And what about the fastest growing demographic in LA?- the people, single guys, (um...more 'actors') living in their cars. Exposed at their most vulnerable, at the height of personal despair and anxiety, without the luxury of homes and cable TV, are huge consumers of this provocative air pollution. Let your imaginations wander just for a minute on what is being created and stoked. When is someone going to stay Enough!?! Can I say it? ENOUGH.

Hey, I have problems of my own, so I simply turn the dial to non commercial rock music. The word is out, however, it's a thin line a lot of us characters inhabiting US cities walk these days.... AM hate speech is not helping...

Why does the LEFT hate ISREAL so much?

One thing the LEFT have always had in common with the RIGHT is they both savagely hate Israel and "the JEWS."  We all know the right wings misguided reasons, but whats up with the people who believe in, for the most part, stuff I do?

 

If you don't buy how EVIL the State of Israel is, you are breaking the holy bounds of leftdom.  It's worse than being against abortion.   Anti Israel Ideologues show up at every rally.  I even saw them at the Gay marriage Prop 8 rallies.  They want to make sure that everyone from liberal to KPFK communist hates Israel.  They say it's the Government they hate.  I say, scratch the surface of an ISRAEL hater and you have your basic store bought anti-Semite.  Everyone hates the Jews.  All these EXTRAs would of been big stars by now if it wasn't for STEVEN SPIELBERG and all the HOLLYWOOD Jews that held them back.

Look, Israel is a beacon of western style democracy that splits the fanatical Mohammedist death cult 3000 miles in either direction  From Morocco 3000 miles in one direction to Afghanistan, past crazy fascist right wing  theocracies of Saudi Arabia, Iran and Yemen in the other direction.  I would way rather be relaxing in a coffee house in Tel Aviv than be on the streets anywhere where I could accidentally step on someone kneeling in the direction of MECCA and  blow myself up.  Jewish people, for however nutty that Old testament is, do not believe in the afterlife.  Theirs is here on earth and have always been a life affirming, philothopantic culture.  Muslims are all too eager to get to the other world and would love to take us all there with them without us asking.

Muslims comprise somewhere between a quarter and third of the worlds population.  The Jews about .05 percent.  I bet you can name plenty of Jewish comedians, rock stars, authors, filmmakers and for that matter, peace makers.  Name one Palestinian.  Out of one billion Muslims name one Muslim comedian.  Those people are simply not funny and they don't think YOU'RE funny.  Seems to me that they've pretty much all been poisoned by the genocidal ramblings of Mohammad and haven't had time to contribute anything to world culture.  .  There was a time they did, back in the 8th-11th century, when Europe had it's lights turned out by the Christian Church, they were busy with astronomy, mathematics and other delights.  What happened since?  Palestinians seem to have just discovered the SLING SHOT.

Do the left wingers really support scarfing up the ladies so they have to poke holes thru so they can see when they drive?  Oh, that's right, they aren't allowed to drive. It is a deep mystery why the LEFT would support rock throwing suicide bombers over people who wrote the very manual that FREEDOM FIGHTERS read from.   FRom Emma Goldstein to Karl Marx down to the Noam Chomsky, Howard Zinns and Niaomi Klein's of today, there would BE no left if there were no Jews.   These are the very first people that would be lined up against the wall if Mohammed had his way in ISRAEL, lets not kid ourselves, dude.

Palestinians who talk about "who was there first "are just like Mexicans who claim they were in Southern CA before the white man.  They weren't.  There were more Russians and Chinese here when the king of Spain was drawing lines on the map in Madrid.   The Jews were there, in Jerusalem and environs way before the Romans sacked it in 64AD. They made their home there for thousands of years before the Diaspora.  When WW1 ended, so did the OTTOMAN EMPIRE.  Keeping in step with basic Muslim protocol, the  OTTOMAN turks (more Muslims) contributed nothing, only took away.  No one complained when the ZIONISTS lived side by side with Christians before 1946, with a teeny tiny minority of what were then known as BEDOUINS, todays Palestinians.  Palestine, ironically is the Biblical name for the Jewish state which existed from antiquity up till the end of the old Testament-00, Jesus time.  The Jews and Israeli Muslims ie "Palestinians" are ethnically the SAME PEOPLE.  They can't be anti-Semites as they ARE Semites themselves. I mean you must of heard that one before.  Someone, quick, tell the Palestinians!

After wwII, the UN gave European survivors of genocide, some US Jews a Jewish state in that underpopulated desert. Palestinians were a tiny minority as most of them lived in Jordon.  The Jews went ahead and built a new city that was to parallel Hong Kong and Zurich as a financial capital.  That city is Tel Aviv.  Jews openly invited Arabs to come do business.  Instead of saying THANX, every  Arab nation which bordered Israel used their armies to attack.  They lost in 6 days.  Even after THAT Israel did not kick out the Arabs that grew up in between their borders.  Big mistake.  They even GAVE BACK land they won in that war, setting a precedent- the first time a nation willingly gave up what it had won during a defensive war.  Name one other country that did that.

 

That's when the ARABS began a wholly genocidal policy to OUT populate the Jews.  Most Jewish families are small.  Did you know that the average "Palestinian" family is 8 siblings?!? The average AGE in GAZA is 15!  Talk about small dicks that drive huge SUVs.  These people purposely take up way more of the resources available to
them because they have a war mentality fueled by a genocidal religion that offers NO hope, advocates of suicide,  talk about child abuse- most suicide bombers are teenage females.  They are taught HATE in their stupid religious schools all throughout their religiously abusive childhoods.

I can't stop.  Look, all moral and legal law goes back to Jewish ideas - separation of church and state, etc.  There would BE no ACLU, defending the Right, the Left, the Islamisists and Palestinians,  if there were no Jews.   i mean i would think this out a lot more before taking sides with a fanatical arm of Islam that wants nothing more than the end of the world.  Jews don't believe in the Rapture or end times- thats where Christians and Muslims connect up.  While we're all still here, lets strap some explosives on our kids and take the bus into town.  ...

By the way, I'm not Jewish.  I was born Irish Catholic, now just Irish, well... American, whatever.. 

Go ahead, tell me where I'm wrong.   THe state of ISRAEL should be handed over to rock throwing fire breathing Koran loving afterlife loving end of the world waiting Palestinians...

the MYTH of "Disease"

 
I can no longer tolerate drunk people who claim their alcoholism is a "Disease."  There is no way that something outside of you, a man made substance, can be a disease.  A disease is something from within. 
I listen to DR DREW on the radio.  I have been on one of his multitude of TV shows.   I  can't stand it when I hear him telling addicts to go seek help in AA.  AA is a Christian cult.  When I had a problem with a very brief and very stupid addiction to hard drugs, because I was lonely and all the gay people in LA were doing was Chrystal meth, I happen to stumble across AA.  It doesn't matter whether it's cocaine anonymous, MJA, or AA, they are very bad places to go if your addiction is short lived and you did not have the "20 year party" that most members speak/brag about during these meetings.   My problem was made worse by sitting there seeing people in perfect health talking about how they were on drugs for 10, 20 and 30 years.  It makes a person who isn't quite THAT BAD, go back and DO MORE.   I kid you not, I learned how to hit the pipe more effectively and get more CM out of it, by listening to people talk at a chrystal meth addicts AA meeting.  That information got a few more months out of my addiction.  Fortunately, my constitution is way too weak to tolerate being awake more than 18 hours at a time and I stopped ON MY OWN.

The story is the same every time.    They hit "rock bottom," lose all their friends (not enough in my opinion.) and money, then end up in AA.  What AA fails to acknowledge is this, very basic fact:
Once and a-hole, always an a-hole.  A drunk is a person that lacks maturity.  They cannot drink 2 beers or have 2 puffs off a MJ cigarette.  They are stupid people who are predispossed to nothing more than their own lack of control.  In a word, this is known as being IMMATURE.   They must consume MORE.  They comfort themselves with this mantra of "Disease, " really meaning- its not MY FAULT.  I have a GENE that is predisposed to alcoholism.  How convienent.  It wasn't your fault, your personality, after all...

Doctor Drew, please, FIND me that gene.  Locate and name that precise place in the brain that makes a person from a casual, normal person wishing to escape the drudgery's of sobriety by turning on to an outside substance and wanting to continue way beyond the point of getting sick over it.

Now 
MY theory, from repeated sittings in these dark rooms (often lit by candles,) and always, always, no matter what they say, begin and end with the OUR FATHER.  Holding hands and hugging people.  Big phoneys.  I walk with a cane and can hardly stand and I get attacked by people needing to HUG me.  Do you want to have sex with me, too?  Then don't assume such a close place is one you can simply sashay away from.  Jee whiz, people...  Please. 

I asked over 30 people to be my "sponsor."  Out of 30 people, 5 bothered to call back.  The 5 that called back sounded like zombies, actually quoting pages in the "BIG BOOK, " (a book written and not updated since 1938!!!)  It is a poorly scripted collection of stories of sailors who get drunk at port.  Gangster stories from 1938, i KID YOU NOT.  read it.  See if you can make it through the book.  It's just plain BAD.    People who quote the book did not hear a thing I said, how I felt, my personal reason for being on drugs then wanting to quit drugs.  They just took scribes from a very poorly written book and cited it like biblical verse into my face, like I was not even there, the same way a JESUS FREAK talks to you at a political demonstration.  It drives you mad, having to witness essentially a HYPNOTISED mind.  It is exactly the kind of wild stares and monotone drivel you get from scientologists or whacked out religious people who come to your door for money.

The last and final AA meeting I went to, I remember a girl, all happy and giddy, getting up to the podium to say how happy she was with her HIGHER POWER.  "Now I don't know about YOU, but JESUS CHRIST WORKS JUST FINE AS MY HIGHER POWER."   Before I walked out, i had to shout, excuse me for not raising my hand and waiting my turn, "Well isn't that ORIGINAL.  Jesus Christ, aye?  Well that shows some REAL INDEPENDENT THINKING."  yea, a 2 thousand year old figure of mythology that glorifies suicide (A GOD that gets himself brutally tortured and killed by humans.  give me a break.)  and you can drink his blood now instead of booze.  good for you! I liked you better as a drunk. 

If people actually READ the new testament (MOST sane people do NOT make it thru this collection of very bad and poorly translated poetry.  Have you?  Really???)they would see an insecure Deity, excuse me, SON OF DEITY who contradicts himself on every page.  Don't get me going.  the point is, swallowing every fairy tale you were spoon fed as a child doth not make one sober, it makes one more confused.  It makes one more of a hypocrite when they willingly discard whatever is left of their senses and accept this drivel.  Thank you.  I quit the drug all on my own with no help from glass eyed zombies that have surrendered their personalities over to myth and historic MIND CONTROL.    Go to AA.  You WILL hear in meeting one, "They call us a cult.  I don't care.  It's the best cult I've ever been in!"   They DO admit it is a cult and they cannot see, through the haze of their life on drugs, why this is not a GOOD THING.  It is simple.  People NEED GROUP IDENTIFICATION or else they would be all by themselves, and no one wants that.  Enter tattoos, peircings, techno music, and other things that make NO SENSE other than belonging to A GROUP and eschewing any sense of INDIVIDUALITY.  Very few people have the testicular fortitude to be themselves.  That's why they drank.  Their problem is deep routed and not solved by the group identification of being in AA. 

I apologize to anyone SENT there by the state and have to do court ordered time in one of these religious groups.  That is a whole other issue, tho, state sponsored AA meetings.  Don't get me going.  California uber alles.  God help us.

IN CLOSING.

My theory is -it is an immature A hole who becomes a drunk, ruins their life, finds AA then becomes an X drunk with a higher power but lets not kid ourselves, STILL an A hole.  At the age of 40 goddamn 9, I can't tell you how many X friends are AA members who's being "OF SERVICE" means to dismiss real people they know with real afflictions, leave them wholey abandoned while they traipse off to multitude of meetings upon meetings where other lonely X drug addict newly found CHRISTIANS can tell each other they are OK.   Once an A hole, always an A hole.  And having 12 step whack jobs tell you your OK can in no logical objective way be considered a worthwhile compliment.  You are simply one of them, congragulations on your GROUP membership.  Now you are no longer alone.  You are still, however, deeply troubled, whether on drugs or not.  You are not being honest with yourself and the GROUP reinforces this dishonesty.

 
There IS a cure to stop drinking and stop taking drugs.  STOP ENJOYING IT.  It is EASY to get off drugs.  Here is the big secret.  You can pay me later.  Look, if you don't like them, it will be easy to stop doing it.   Be on your last TRIP, your LAST drunk filled night and realize what a headache it is, how it's NOT fun and how fat and out of shape you are.  Stop lying with the higher power BS.  The very concept of a power HIGHER means the power is somehow OUTSIDE yourself, basically, a Christian concept.  High up in heaven there is the old man with a white beard who LOVES you.  "HE" (always) is HIGHER than you, not PART of you, and will help you.  Darling, the fact just might be that God HATES you and that is why the 20th century has been the bloodiest and most hateful epoch in history.  Oh, yes, Auschwietz was "HIM" showing you FREE WILL.  And this is still legal?  I hate to be the one to say it, since I am really just a speck of dirt upon the lords backside, but the one thing the SOVIETS did right is outlaw religion as soon as they got in power.  There is not ONE member of the US senate, house of representatives or supreme court who has stood up for sanity and admited to being an atheist.

Also, if you were not immature, if you are responsible, you can drink, smoke pot and do what you do in moderation and enjoy it, the way GOD MEANT for it to be enjoyed, for the rest of your life.  I drink a pint of brown ale three times a week.  There is nothing better than FAT TIRE with pork chops.  I don't need 2 pints or 50.

The notion of alcoholism being a disease started sometime late in my life.  I would say around 1985 I started to hear it.  It is never discredited altho there has never been any proof for it.  There has never been a GENE located to explain ones A hole ism.  It's an excuse so you don't have to blame yourself for your own weakness and bad decisions.  But please, after you FOUND GOD, please, try some empathy, try to think of something, some one outside your big important SELF.  Be honest and stop imagining that a disease has attacked your brain causing you to become the insensitive, uncaring, selfish beast that you have become and used alcohol or drugs to get there faster. YOU are still there when you use GOD as an excuse.  You are a drunk because you put yourself there.  You lack the intelligence, (does this spell check work?  For chrissake) foresight and creativity to get your life together.  Don't blame a GENE.  Get well and STAY FAR AWAY FROM groups that enable you to remain a selfish insensitive ME FIRST God loving/fearing hypocrite.  Really, some of these AA people were better off as drunks.  No, i take that back.  NOTHING is worse than a drunk. 

Please God, bring back prohibition.  LA is one big liquor store, blight on every corner.  People are not evolved enough to be able to drink responsibly.  That goes for almost everyone I know.  Big drunk babies that sooner or later end up as religious hypocrite zombies.  That, or dead or in jail before their time.  Stop enjoying it and you can get your life back.  Simple. 

peterchoyce@yahoo.com

myspace.com/peterchoyce

[IM: sirinsolence]

Please with the economy, stop making excuses

I received something in my email that I suppose you got too.  Another piece on THE TIME TO ACT IS NOW, call Congress, etc etc, regarding the pirates that operate on Wall street.    Look, darlin'

wall street, investment banking, stock exchange are ways very wealthy people, who incidentally DO NOT WORK, play dice with peoples lives.  they could give a shit.  when u start to earn upwards of a million dollars it effects the brain the way a gambler experiences after they put a quarter in the slot.  Something very strong, addictive and without any thought of other people or the world you live in, kicks in.  If 90 percent of the world lives in medieval conditions including radical poverty, it don't matter to you.  You are more than comfortable.  The blinders are consciously put on and more money is never enough. 
The direct connect between one person hoarding tens of millions and subsistence farmers in Africa or workers who have lost their home in the USA is not part of the thought process.   Its a system that relies on selfish and mean spirited people who think its OK to screw with peoples lives so they may have more than one house, a few cars and products untold.

Putting a band aid on the problem like REGULATING Wall street will not do.  Capitalists are hungry dogs that have know no bounds of immorality.  You know I hate to bring it up because it borders on unpatriotic heresy to say it but, dude... DO you think the planes hit the world trade center by accident?  What do you think people were DOING in those buildings?  They were symbols of hate around the world, which is why mos people around the globe danced a gig that day.

A more fair distribution of wealth is whats needed.  If there is only so much wealth in the world, why should the bulk of it go to the 1 percent while everyone else suffers?  Capitalism is killing the planet.  Having elections where 2 people of the same economic theory, Capitalism, are thrown at you is not Democracy.  The nations with the highest standards of living in the world are the ones that play fair and have Democratic socialist governments; Sweden, Switzerland and Denmark.  For all of the wealth the USA hordes only a tiny percent of the population gets to share in that.

The best way to act is to tear DOWN wall street all together.  it is unneeded and an unfair game to play with peoples lives.

the "I don't know" show

Here is a repeat of a piece I wrote when I first started working on set in Hollywood, when I first had the DREAM.  I was Hollywoods premiere TV/Movie star EXTRA.  Since no one wants to hear me complain about my BACK,  I will post some "Greatest hits" until I have something NICE to say that is current. 

Since, Spondylolisthesis of the Lumbar (can you say that?) has devoured all that is left of my life, I will re-tweak some of these old goodies.  Interesting my attitude here-this was written before all the STRIKES that plague working actors now.  I mean, I was all for the show.   ME.  and my TV doesn't even come in!

                                             "THE I DON'T KNOW SHOW"  (Oct 2005)

Yesterday i worked as a DR on GREYS ANATOMY.  God, that show takes the cake as the supreme ruler of the "I don't know" shows!    There are a thousand people on the crew but if you wanna know anything about anything the case is the same with each and every one of them:

"I don't know."   

You don't have to even ask a question!   As soon as you check in, at 5am, Brad, the Production assistant (PA)  proudly declares his
detachment  from  the project.  "Don't bother to ask cuz I don't know." 
It is a mantra all day, which is repeated by every one in the CREW. .
In the 12 hours I sat there, I hit up all of them with very quick, seemingly
easy questions, just to test them. 

For instance, I asked:  "Whats the hook? "  You know, Medium has a hook
and Numb3rs has it's hook.  What's G.A about, dude?  Not one of the
people, some of whom work on this show every day, can say a word about it. 
Look, as Extras we all know NEVER ask things like how long will we be here or when will
we eat (Even tho it's pretty easy to read the production sheets and figure it out ) But I'm saying just
basic info you may need about the shot is TMI for some of these very important people.

Is it a union thing?  Hey, I'm pro-union.  I mean my Daddy worked at the paper mill, but SAG?  ewww... 

I have never worked a job where the fingers did not know what the hand
was doing.  It's amazing- to put on a story, broadcast it around the
country and into other countries of the world, but have the workers on
the project so disassociated as to not know ANYTHING except what socket
their particular plug goes into.  I would think that it would be
disrespectful to the actors and directors to go around and blatantly, proudly
declare your ignorance of the show.

Don't get me wrong.  There are plenty of CREW  who are cool guys willing to talk to you, as long as its not about the show.  Brad went on and on about how you can both SKI and SURF in LA on the same day!   He was very captivating but openly refused to reveal and basic start up info on how you might fit in to todays scene.
Instead, he repeatedly boasted

"I don't know, I don't watch TV!"   

,
"I don't OWN a TV!"  (Wow that's cool!  i bet you read very thick books
until all hours of the night!!) It's like, OK, dude I work at a bank
but I don't "have an account!."  Couldn't bother.  It's my job and I
don't even know how to work the ATM!

Imagine a theatrical production where the actor comes in to do his line(s)
and then leaves, not knowing the main story, who the other actors are
or give a fuck about any other part of it.  No.   The reality is, it could not
happen in theater!!  I grew up in the Theater, (Town & Country playhouse- "professional NY summer stock Actors, Salem NH 1973-77) Everyone is an integral part of the whole.  Not in TV my friend.
   
This is PART of why TV sucks.  The energy from backstage seeps into the foreground. 
The shows have no point to speak of. 
There is no common effort, no ideal that everyone strives for in getting
that point across, that message heard and delivered, cuz your crew are
just day laborers that hang out eating all day at KRAFT services and don't care about the project outside of their bloated paychecks.  (which is WHY, Hollywood, there are "Runaway productions") They should realize that one and all, they are the ones with their fingers on the button, but stay disassociated, I guess, so no one can blame THEM for a poor end product.  Is that it??.   

EXCEPT- (There are exceptions) Curb your enthusiasm, Six feet Under
- I could name other shows where the AD makes a point to tell you,
the background- What the show IS, what part you are playing, where they
are in the story, what kind of day to expect and invite you in to be
part of the greater whole.  When i worked CSI I  was happy to feel a part
the story, small, but meaningful within the narrative.  It made my work
as a rotting corpse a lot more compelling, just to know a little bit.

Maybe some of you's in SAG can bring this up in your next union
meeting.  I'm just saying the "I don't know" attitude isn't just unfair to budding actors who come with a brimful of enthusiasm,  but it's
getting really old and annoying.  I bet the director, producer and principal actors
have no idea that people who couldn't  give a shit are directing the
background.  If you arrived on set excited to be there, all dressed up in your DR attire,  is it really the job
of a 19 year old PA to constantly remind you how we really have nothing
to do with even a small part of it? 

"I DON'T KNOW.  Don't ask cuz i still won't know.  You ask too many
questions."

I just wanted to know if they need me for the next shot.  I mean, I have books to read and a cellphone here plus a full pack of cigarettes to get to.

DUDE, if you really Don't know, ASK, then TELL US- Then I won't have to bother you all day!

I know it's not the ENTIRE reason, but one small insiders view of why TV sucks so bad.   

LOW ON METH- MY lIFE AS A PRESCIPTION DOPE ADDICT

This is long.  I am disabled and moments of clarity are few now, so I tried, maybe too much, to get this all down. It is one years worth of pain, poverty and where did all my friends go?  Yikes.   Print it out and read it at under the shade next time you are poolside.  You could be in it!  I named names, forgive me. I am desolate and sending out an SOS.

Or let me know if I forgot u and you SHOULD be in it???   ha.  it's already too long, dude. 

.........................................................................................................................

People that listen to me rock on the BIG 1, 2 XU get to hear the official worlds oldest and longest college radio DJ play a mellifluous variety of the best college rock hits of the past 50 years.  I was born in 1959 and have been doing college radio on over 15 stations since punk broke, since I graduated high school in '77.  Lately, since exactly this time last year in fact, you have also got to hear me slur my speech, become utterly senseless, leave during halftime and talk about things DJs generally keep to themselves.

I have been an opiate addict for one year now, thanks to KAISER PERMENENTE.  You know those guys that throw up millions of billboards that say "THRIVE" all over CA?  Thats what I pay for.  ACtually, what my medicade pays for, since I have been completely disabled ever since my upper back FELL into my lower back on Aug 20, 2007.  I've been in excruciating pain.  I went from morphine to now, methadone, which the NEW YORK TIMES headlined yesterday; "Thousands of new deaths due to improper prescription of cheap methadone."  That's me.  Have you seen Michael Moores SICKO?  thats me.  It's a wonder then, that I do manage to get through 95 percent of my shows.  I am in a lot of pain and due to the methadone, sick and woozy. 

The doctor don't know, but long ago I have cut my methadone down to half of what they think I am on.  My disability used to pay the rent and bills, but ever since the WRITERS STRIKE (umm... did any of them TV shows get any better?  I know, that wasn't the issue.  In fact, the writing has deteriorated to base dick jokes for all I can see.( re: 2 1/2 men?  Jeezus))   I was doing fine, all the nessesary money in the bank, until I had to borrow what was essentially a grand a month, which is the minimal amount to make it thru the month just to have food and gas.  I haven't gone to a STORE to SHOP for many many years, mind you.

When I called the Dr and said I would rather deal with pain MY WAY, which is- I swim, up at the ROSE BOWL Aquatic center for almost 2 hours a day, (another luxury i accord myself,) he said "You're not a drug addict!  You are on a proper prescription.  Methadone is a GREAT DRUG!"  Great for him, not me.  Its cheap.  Until big fat pig RUSH LIMBAUGH ruined the dispensing of OXYCONTININ for everyone, (remember?  Fatso had to pop 50 a day until they made them illegal for everyone now.) Now everyone who lives with severe pain must make it thru the day with nausea, slurred speech, (Great for radio!  Hey isn't that the DRUNK DJ again???") and feeling half asleep and half on speed.  Also, we have just discovered that MIXING meth with other downers (anti depressants like TRAZADONE and ATIVAN which they also threw me on at KAISER) is, in  a word, DEADLY.

Not to overburden you, dear listener and reader, but my life has been made very difficult by the very people who want you to THRIVE.  The pain is compounded by emotional problems caused by the loss of friends.  AS SOON as I fell into disrepair, everyone, i tell you, friends I have known over 35 years simply told me I had become "Angry," "Difficult" and "Annoying."   There is no one here to push the wheelchair if i want to attend Sunset Junction.   Peter Bowles is off with his Quaker Group praying for world peace and an end to war, Richard Tanner is busy with his personal daily meditation where he sits elevated beyond the rest of us, specially me,  a drug addict in his eyes.  He basically split on day 2 of my condition so fast all I saw was a blur.  People.

Lindsay and Tucker have their problems of their own but I do miss them after 28 years of knowing.  Please, don't get me going.  Out of say 20 friends I had, here in LA exactly no one isleft.   Tom, the twin brother of Nick takes me out with the wheelchair from time to time but it is hard to live alone, loveless, whatnot, but not even having a friend, 'specially when you are sick is almost impossible.  But i do it.   I could go on and on about this which causes the most pain- other people.  I know this is already too long to qualify as a BLOG, so I will only mention a couple examples of this emotional pain I suffer.  I have nothing left to lose, this writing is an embarresing last resort, but I'm plumb out of idea's... 

Max. my friend and my roommate of the past year and a half left in June.  He hasn't called or even returned my email.  Leni, up the hall, who I've known since 1986, physically assaulted me because she was mad when the traffic dept towed her car, the one with flat tires that has been outside our door for 8 months.  (I had nothing to do with it!) She hip checked me into the fence and I spent the afternoon in the Emergency room, sucking up more painkiller.  Her passive/aggressive stance she took with me after my birthday party, when one of "my guests" was accused of stealing some FILE CABINET from the hallway (??), (Which the landlord actually put down in the cellar, no thank YOU) has become overt, aggressive and violent.  She knows that I am disabled.  Max knows I have been dumped by my close friends, Matt was one person left, but when he came over to help me with the computer- that was it, I haven't seen or heard from him, now for 2weeks.  I fed him and plied him with gifts from my collection as I have no money to pay for computer repair.  The computer now, is left in worse shape.  I hope this posts correctly.

In the end though, I do realize, dear reader, that for some reason, which still has yet to present itself, that it must be completley my fault.  How could 20+ people who don't really even know of each other reacted the same way toward me?  The answer is it must be me!  On the other hand, do consider, when I got myself in this CONDITION (Spondylyosithesis of the lumbar, c 1 thru 5) I did enter a very strange new world.  A cold world of  minority status.  It's worse than waking up one morning and finding out you are a cockroach, like a KAFKA novel.  I have entered the desolate world of the most hated minority of all.  The handicapped.   Consider this. I'm not making it up...

I was dumped by my Psychiatrist!  At Kaiser (Co pay went up from 10 to 20 dollars, needed to pay for more billboards) I had a total bi polar breakdown, during a psychiatric session.  I couldn't speak because I, a grown man, broke down totally and couldn't stop crying.  My psychiatrist, Victor Para hasn't called me since.  He didn't call me the day after I left his office, unable to speak let alone stand up.  That was 3 months ago. He, you see, is a "professional."  He knows about the pain, the abandonment, the fact that I can't work and have become in a word- indigant.   Or the other word, Destitute. 

He also knows I am filled with humor and do my best to put one step in front of the other, get the fuck out of bed and get by from day to day.  Apparently, he hasn't seen an actual bipolar EPISODE and it must of scared the shit out of him.  My friend of 38 years LIAM in got a whiff of my mania back in December. He is a big lawyer now.  He used to help me in court and to this date I have won many cases against nefarious banking institutions and businesses.  He no longer speaks to me. And the DAY i became riddled with pain, my best friend in LA skipped a merry skip and headed for the nearest exit.  Another one that meditates and is in touch with some very far away God that tells the newly healed to tell others to "Let it go..."

But a psychiatrist?   You would think a professional would know at least the minimal way to make someone feel a little LESS bad?   Call, pretend you give a shit.  I did not get that from KAISER.  They want to lock me up. Right now they have me down as "Acute psychotic" and drug addict, which I only am, because of them.  When I was there last week in the ER I saw "Suicidal in the notes," too. Their big smartypants jump-to, not mine.  My problem is, I want to LIVE.   Death, I'm sure, is cold, lonely and even worse than this, space I currently find myself residing in.

I try to deal with the fact that Central casting has no more jobs for me.  I used to have to turn down acting and extra gigs but now I work about twice a month.  SAG, the union for billionaires, but comprised 95percent of people who live below any sensible poverty line, that live in cars, not even trucks, outside my window, WITHOUT the benefit of SSDI checks like me, wants to strike and take away any HOPE of work for the next few months.   Being disabled is not just about the pain, it's the struggle to get out of bed when you haven't worked all month, (thanks to SAG, thank the WRITERS) when you have no one to call, nothing but your life to look back on... Ahh.... the good times.  What happened?  THAT was quick.  I'm 49 wondering if I will make it to 50. 

55 would be a miracle, not so much because of the pain, but the methadone poisoning, mixed with the prescibed downers. It says right there in the NY times article THAT is certian death.  Oh well.  The Doctor put me on it, so it must be OK. Can Michael moore put together part 2?  I have enough comedy for SON OF SICKO.

I don't know if I have any friends left, most live far far away.  I don't know how, but lets not go crazy. Lets just calm down and make do.  I am constantly underwater, stretching, stroking, swimming out the pain.  I feel alive and real again when I DJ on the KXLU. Once i ween myself off the Heroin, (oops- meth.  Herion is much easier to withdraw from)  I can get back to experiencing spondylolisthesis of the LUMBAR in all its glory.  4 out of the lower 6 disks in the back have nothing in between them.  They have, in a sense crushed together, sending shock waves of pain to every place in the body except my head and (thank God) Penis, which works just fine, now that I kicked the anti-depressents. If i conitnued with those, I would be dead by now.

My theory and the general theory is- the METH has reached its TOLERANCE level, like the MORPHINE I was taking before it.  What I'm experiencing when you hear me on the air or when you see me on set trying to stand with  a cane, (Dude, i can't stand for more then 3 min's max) is PAIN and the effects of METH.  It was nice to read the article in this weeks NEW YORK TIMES that many of my KXLU listeners sent me when I was on the air this past week.  I decided to write this and call out a couple (there's MORE!) of the people who made me feel worse than I should, because in the video that accompanied the on line NYT article a woman talks about how she LOST ALL HER FRIENDS.  ME TOO.  For the first time, I see this in print.  Alas, some one else said it!  So, it's not just me.  You, go looky yourself:

C:\Users\peterchoyce\Desktop\Methadone Rises as a Painkiller With Big Risks - NYTimes_com.mht.

It seems the video is gone, but the woman in the article said that on the accompanying companion utube video.  I was actually astounded and actually relieved to hear some one else say it.  What is that?  I never imagined that in my middle years suddenly I would be in pain and without any friends.  But it happened.  Dude, I can't say it would happen to you.  You probably have better friends to begin with.  Lets hope. 

I yearn for friendship, closeness, intimacy- so I told a man I met on set the other day that I would rather DATE than GO HOME (to have some kind of quicky sex) as he (and most gays) wanted, with him.  I can't be bothered, at this point, apparently late in my life, (I've felt very close to death all thru 2008) to have what I call "Frivolous intimacy,"  I asked instead if he would like to be my friend after I cooked him dinner and drove him home. That was yesterday. This morning I realized that he put his name in my phone but, ta dah!  no number.  Silly me...  If you meet a gay, you are supposed to get down with them then and there or thats it.  They don't come back.  Unless you have drugs.  Unless you can help them in their quest to become famous.  LA really sucks, much more than any other place on earth.

"Who are you and what can you do for me?"  When you are in a wheelchair the answer is obvious.   Still I can play your BAND on the radio.  But I don't.  Thats why my show is good!  I never did that and still don't.  (play friends bands!) 

I will close this post by thanking everyone I can.  A listener, GREG from Mendocino paid my RENT for me this month.  I can't tell you how much the kindness of strangers has helped me thru this awful period in what was a burgeoning, creative life.  I'd like to thank Larry May in Ireland for his continued friendship. James, (the second oldest and perhaps hardest working college radio DJ in the world today, who is ALMOST as good, maybe better, than ME, on the Z, JC who shops w me, CALEB ROCHESTER for lending me 800 dollars (all paid back now!) but then he went and moved to PHILLY, leaving me with no best friend.  Thanks also to Coleegeth Expansure for coming over and finishing sewing up the computer so its now back to the state it was in, use able, but really still  just a glorified EMAIL MACHINE. And now HE is leaving for Brooklyn.  I'm up shits creek trying to figure out this very b€asic laptop on my own. 

Thanx to Sandra in SF for her help when I was assaulted by a robber this past winter who destroyed my last computer.   I guess while I'm at it; thanx thanx thanx, too- Tim K, steve H in NC and oldest and dearest of all, Victor V the psychic turntable and the wonder of the world, Julie, who came to visit last Christmiss.  Who else?  God, now I'm in a jam.  And this is getting, so so long.  shit.

I also want to say that KXLU is worth the 20 dollars i don't have in gas. It reminds me of when my life was a creative life, when i had an audience, and the music elevates me and diminishes the pain.  Everyone there has also, been very kind and puts up with my "crazy behavior"   In fact, this is the THIRD TIME that Lydia hasn't fired me!!!   I hope I didn't leave anyone out, like Lauren, Megan, Josh, Tyler 2 million (who calls me first for fill ins!,) Maki, who once took me to dinner, Octavious, Laura on the barrio, SEAN,the dirty mop and all the other nice kids up there. 

I mean my mother still calls, but none of the other 8 siblings.  Oh, Amy in Boston, who sends things (like money) and the other MAX, naked MAX H who I am paying back for lending me lots of money to make it thru the LAST strike.  I have no idea how to get thru the current one.  That will be my next post.  MY BIRDS EYE view of SAG with all it's corruption and WHY Productions no longer want to film in LA.  How they are killing not just me, but many marginal people who live near the edge.  

Thanx for reading.  Do feel free to postez vous a comment.   Anything will do.  The smallest thing makes me happy and makes me feel relevant in a world that is obsessed with the SELF and has become a really hard place to live.  It's a strange thing, going from completley able bodied to being a DISABLED, handicapped person.  The whole world changed.  And I ate right and exercised sensibly all my life.

So thats the awful truth.   This is the first time, a year since it happened that I managed to write about it.  I mean, as NEGATIVELAND says; "It's not even funny!"

If you want to know when i next ROCK, do contact me at PETERCHOYCE@Yahoo.com and i will put you on my "Fun list!"

All is forgiven, Sheba, come home!!

1) the story of Peter Choyce dot com and 2) the OLYMPICS

And coming in LAST, just eeking his way around the final corner, it's KXLU DJ PETER CHOYCE.  Yes, finally, the last DJ to figure out the basic instructions on how to post a blog.  You wouldn't believe this, but I will tell you anyway.  I was the first blogger ON the internet!  in 1995 i hosted Peterchoyce.com which grew to be a huge personal web that was filled with "all the news to fit about ME!"  It was massive, as many people can attest.  It was on line until 2002, when I moved to LA. 

Here, I started to work in the movies and had plenty of things to say about Hollywood!  I had it all, secret pix of movie stars on their 16th take, and the whole inside dirt on the movie machine.  It was then I was told by my casting directors that if i keep it up, i will soon be blacklisted and will not get any more work.  I shut the site down soon afterwords.  I need to work.  Since then I have blogged only in bits and pieces on my myspace.  If you want to see pieces that remain of my famous FIRST BLOG of the whole internet, it lies in tattered pieces on a website that seems to collect old webs that had hits over 1 million.  I know u probably don't believe me, so check it out, dudely.

  http://web.archive.org/web/*/http://peterchoyce.com.  I don't think my pics connect with the stories but it's there, lots of it, and I always plan on putting just the Boston part back up on line, but I owe the hosting service some kind of money, so they claim for the 5 odd years it has not even been on line!  The old shake down as always...

But here we are, excited to be back.  I will try to post a story a day as it is very important, now in my twilight years, to get everything down for future historians and young DJS who want to learn first hand how to be a smartass.

The pieces should be short, as i do have a tendency to ramble, so here, I present to you my first piece of BLOGGATION!  Enjoy!  My posts will not be boring, i promise you, my dear KXLU listeners!

THE OLYMPICS

The other day I was over my friends house.  His big huge PLASMA SCREEN was exploding with the swimming part of the competition.  When asked, I had to be honest and say, "No, I have not seen one minute of the Olympics." And it's not that i don't care.  I do, deeply. \\

For instance, I do swim, for an hour, in fact, every day, up at the Rose Bowl.  They have the best pool in California and many Olympiads even train there.  I am privy to watch them live, in all their flesh and glory, before and after the event.  The reason why I find the Olympics difficult to watch, however is for 4 main reasons.

1) I hate to say it, but I am embarrassed when Americans, specifically athletes, but more so, the crowds they attract, are hoisted upon the world stage. I cringe at the chants-  "OOH OOH USA USA USA U S A!!"  It reminds me of the Nuremberg rallies.    I find no part of me indulging in Nationalistic pride, especially in a country like China, who we have had a great part in making our personal serf state.  Sports, smorts, it's just another pissing contest and it all looks very primitive this USA group identification.  I especially hate seeing 40 year guys PAINTING USA on their fat jiggling guts.  It makes me physically ill.  Is that just me?? 

2) Sports sicken me.  I was that kid in school who could not catch or hit a ball.  I heard my first chant of "FAGGOT,"  "CHOYCE is a FAGGOT" there on that sunny day out on the third grade baseball field.  There is no difference between a BALL and a ROCK when it is thrown at you, so I would do the sensible thing and DUCK!  From the moment that I left Catholic School (too much "questioning the faith" so they asked my parents to take me out, mid 3rd grade) in public school the holy sacrament was replaced with SPORTS, something I had no experience with.   It was all because of a BALL that I went from being a highly revered CLASS CLOWN to FAGGOT, a word I never heard in Catholic school.  I was never addressed by my last name, either until that day.  From then on I was pushed, shoved, thrown into garbage cans, (while adult teachers stood around and gave their consent, mind you!) on a daily basis by big bullys that ruled the school because they knew, intuitively somehow, WHEN to hit the BALL.   It is only natural therefore;
To this day I disdain anything to do with BALLs, Scoring, TEAMS and Goals. 

I did do a lot of muscle pumping, working out and grew up to be a world class swimmer and in spite of a recent physical disability, can go back to my high school reunion and kick all those sports fans in their big fat faces.    Its all postulating, as we know.  I've won every fight I've never been in. 

3) Everyone is SPONSORED.  I noticed when the swimmers were racing, they all wore HEAD CAPS.  Dude, I swim every day.  My hair is fine, full and blonde.  I have never worn a HEAD CAP.  No one at the rose bowl wears a head cap.  The reason why they DO at the Olympics is because it is the only place, that AND your speedo's, where you can ADVERTISE.  No one can just be an honest person, athlete, whatever, they all must be ENDORSING some HORRIBLE product, which when you get right down to it, does NOT make the world a better place to live, but is based upon cruel exploitation of "third world markets" for the benefit of a very few wealthy people, as we all know.  Most people choose to look the other way and make up all sorts of excuses for corporate exploitation, but I don't.  I don't wear logos, i check where my clothes and all products are made and coming from.  I am consistent with my contention that capitalism is ruining the planet and billions of peoples lives along with it and I don't want any part of it.   I do want to put in one good word, for the Chinese that is.  I did notice that, where in the USA the front bleachers (whatever you call them) would be overwhelmed with crass advertising, the Chinese have NONE.  It simply says BEIJING 2008.  Thank you, Chinese for the one shining moment of dignity and culture that I saw during my approximate 3 minute look at the Olympix the other night.  HA!!! 

However, and this is too off subject, but I must add- I wish someone would get up, in the middle of the race, get out of the water, grab a mike and tell the Chinese that they have no right arresting people who are fleeing the brutal dictatorship of North Korea and they should have great shame for sending them back to that hell on earth to certain torture, imprisonment and death.   THAT would be worth more than all the stupid selfish commercial endorsements of all time!  But who would expect anything resembling HONOR or just plain DECENCY from modern day spoiled sport hooligans???   I rest my case, but not for long....

4) MY TV has been broke for about 4 years now.  The DVD works fine, tho.

Welcome