I can no longer tolerate drunk people who claim their alcoholism is a "Disease." There is no way that something outside of you, a man made substance, can be a disease. A disease is something from within.
I listen to DR DREW on the radio. I have been on one of his multitude of TV shows. I can't stand it when I hear him telling addicts to go seek help in AA. AA is a Christian cult. When I had a problem with a very brief and very stupid addiction to hard drugs, because I was lonely and all the gay people in LA were doing was Chrystal meth, I happen to stumble across AA. It doesn't matter whether it's cocaine anonymous, MJA, or AA, they are very bad places to go if your addiction is short lived and you did not have the "20 year party" that most members speak/brag about during these meetings. My problem was made worse by sitting there seeing people in perfect health talking about how they were on drugs for 10, 20 and 30 years. It makes a person who isn't quite THAT BAD, go back and DO MORE. I kid you not, I learned how to hit the pipe more effectively and get more CM out of it, by listening to people talk at a chrystal meth addicts AA meeting. That information got a few more months out of my addiction. Fortunately, my constitution is way too weak to tolerate being awake more than 18 hours at a time and I stopped ON MY OWN.
The story is the same every time. They hit "rock bottom," lose all their friends (not enough in my opinion.) and money, then end up in AA. What AA fails to acknowledge is this, very basic fact:
Once and a-hole, always an a-hole. A drunk is a person that lacks maturity. They cannot drink 2 beers or have 2 puffs off a MJ cigarette. They are stupid people who are predispossed to nothing more than their own lack of control. In a word, this is known as being IMMATURE. They must consume MORE. They comfort themselves with this mantra of "Disease, " really meaning- its not MY FAULT. I have a GENE that is predisposed to alcoholism. How convienent. It wasn't your fault, your personality, after all...
Doctor Drew, please, FIND me that gene. Locate and name that precise place in the brain that makes a person from a casual, normal person wishing to escape the drudgery's of sobriety by turning on to an outside substance and wanting to continue way beyond the point of getting sick over it.
Now
MY theory, from repeated sittings in these dark rooms (often lit by candles,) and always, always, no matter what they say, begin and end with the OUR FATHER. Holding hands and hugging people. Big phoneys. I walk with a cane and can hardly stand and I get attacked by people needing to HUG me. Do you want to have sex with me, too? Then don't assume such a close place is one you can simply sashay away from. Jee whiz, people... Please.
I asked over 30 people to be my "sponsor." Out of 30 people, 5 bothered to call back. The 5 that called back sounded like zombies, actually quoting pages in the "BIG BOOK, " (a book written and not updated since 1938!!!) It is a poorly scripted collection of stories of sailors who get drunk at port. Gangster stories from 1938, i KID YOU NOT. read it. See if you can make it through the book. It's just plain BAD. People who quote the book did not hear a thing I said, how I felt, my personal reason for being on drugs then wanting to quit drugs. They just took scribes from a very poorly written book and cited it like biblical verse into my face, like I was not even there, the same way a JESUS FREAK talks to you at a political demonstration. It drives you mad, having to witness essentially a HYPNOTISED mind. It is exactly the kind of wild stares and monotone drivel you get from scientologists or whacked out religious people who come to your door for money.
The last and final AA meeting I went to, I remember a girl, all happy and giddy, getting up to the podium to say how happy she was with her HIGHER POWER. "Now I don't know about YOU, but JESUS CHRIST WORKS JUST FINE AS MY HIGHER POWER." Before I walked out, i had to shout, excuse me for not raising my hand and waiting my turn, "Well isn't that ORIGINAL. Jesus Christ, aye? Well that shows some REAL INDEPENDENT THINKING." yea, a 2 thousand year old figure of mythology that glorifies suicide (A GOD that gets himself brutally tortured and killed by humans. give me a break.) and you can drink his blood now instead of booze. good for you! I liked you better as a drunk.
If people actually READ the new testament (MOST sane people do NOT make it thru this collection of very bad and poorly translated poetry. Have you? Really???)they would see an insecure Deity, excuse me, SON OF DEITY who contradicts himself on every page. Don't get me going. the point is, swallowing every fairy tale you were spoon fed as a child doth not make one sober, it makes one more confused. It makes one more of a hypocrite when they willingly discard whatever is left of their senses and accept this drivel. Thank you. I quit the drug all on my own with no help from glass eyed zombies that have surrendered their personalities over to myth and historic MIND CONTROL. Go to AA. You WILL hear in meeting one, "They call us a cult. I don't care. It's the best cult I've ever been in!" They DO admit it is a cult and they cannot see, through the haze of their life on drugs, why this is not a GOOD THING. It is simple. People NEED GROUP IDENTIFICATION or else they would be all by themselves, and no one wants that. Enter tattoos, peircings, techno music, and other things that make NO SENSE other than belonging to A GROUP and eschewing any sense of INDIVIDUALITY. Very few people have the testicular fortitude to be themselves. That's why they drank. Their problem is deep routed and not solved by the group identification of being in AA.
I apologize to anyone SENT there by the state and have to do court ordered time in one of these religious groups. That is a whole other issue, tho, state sponsored AA meetings. Don't get me going. California uber alles. God help us.
IN CLOSING.
My theory is -it is an immature A hole who becomes a drunk, ruins their life, finds AA then becomes an X drunk with a higher power but lets not kid ourselves, STILL an A hole. At the age of 40 goddamn 9, I can't tell you how many X friends are AA members who's being "OF SERVICE" means to dismiss real people they know with real afflictions, leave them wholey abandoned while they traipse off to multitude of meetings upon meetings where other lonely X drug addict newly found CHRISTIANS can tell each other they are OK. Once an A hole, always an A hole. And having 12 step whack jobs tell you your OK can in no logical objective way be considered a worthwhile compliment. You are simply one of them, congragulations on your GROUP membership. Now you are no longer alone. You are still, however, deeply troubled, whether on drugs or not. You are not being honest with yourself and the GROUP reinforces this dishonesty. Also, if you were not immature, if you are responsible, you can drink, smoke pot and do what you do in moderation and enjoy it, the way GOD MEANT for it to be enjoyed, for the rest of your life. I drink a pint of brown ale three times a week. There is nothing better than FAT TIRE with pork chops. I don't need 2 pints or 50.
There IS a cure to stop drinking and stop taking drugs. STOP ENJOYING IT. It is EASY to get off drugs. Here is the big secret. You can pay me later. Look, if you don't like them, it will be easy to stop doing it. Be on your last TRIP, your LAST drunk filled night and realize what a headache it is, how it's NOT fun and how fat and out of shape you are. Stop lying with the higher power BS. The very concept of a power HIGHER means the power is somehow OUTSIDE yourself, basically, a Christian concept. High up in heaven there is the old man with a white beard who LOVES you. "HE" (always) is HIGHER than you, not PART of you, and will help you. Darling, the fact just might be that God HATES you and that is why the 20th century has been the bloodiest and most hateful epoch in history. Oh, yes, Auschwietz was "HIM" showing you FREE WILL. And this is still legal? I hate to be the one to say it, since I am really just a speck of dirt upon the lords backside, but the one thing the SOVIETS did right is outlaw religion as soon as they got in power. There is not ONE member of the US senate, house of representatives or supreme court who has stood up for sanity and admited to being an atheist.
The notion of alcoholism being a disease started sometime late in my life. I would say around 1985 I started to hear it. It is never discredited altho there has never been any proof for it. There has never been a GENE located to explain ones A hole ism. It's an excuse so you don't have to blame yourself for your own weakness and bad decisions. But please, after you FOUND GOD, please, try some empathy, try to think of something, some one outside your big important SELF. Be honest and stop imagining that a disease has attacked your brain causing you to become the insensitive, uncaring, selfish beast that you have become and used alcohol or drugs to get there faster. YOU are still there when you use GOD as an excuse. You are a drunk because you put yourself there. You lack the intelligence, (does this spell check work? For chrissake) foresight and creativity to get your life together. Don't blame a GENE. Get well and STAY FAR AWAY FROM groups that enable you to remain a selfish insensitive ME FIRST God loving/fearing hypocrite. Really, some of these AA people were better off as drunks. No, i take that back. NOTHING is worse than a drunk.
Please God, bring back prohibition. LA is one big liquor store, blight on every corner. People are not evolved enough to be able to drink responsibly. That goes for almost everyone I know. Big drunk babies that sooner or later end up as religious hypocrite zombies. That, or dead or in jail before their time. Stop enjoying it and you can get your life back. Simple.
myspace.com/peterchoyce
[IM: sirinsolence]
